Creamy Split

How to surpass depression and survive from rejection? Well, a yummy dessert can aid my all shattered heart.

Oh, My Baby G!

 

 I am a fan of black and white films, the old classics.  I watched all Shirley Temple movies and a lot more.  So, I couldn't help wishing to have a porcelain doll (like in the Little Princess movie) that only rich kids could afford.  I was so offended with what the landlady said yesterday and couldn't help feeling sad for my situation.  So, even it was unplanned to go out, I accompanied my friend for a Saturday stroll.

Then, there she was, the dream and love of the little girl in me. I saw it in an old shop and the price was reasonable. Not included in the budget, but I couldn't help it. The auntie in the shop was so kind, she even told her boss to give me free earrings. Haha. My convincing power and thick skin worked again, just like old times. My friend playfully suggested to name my new pretty doll. I said, Geneve, same as my pretty student's name. Or Geneva, same as my student's character in his story. Then, my friend suggested we call her Genie because a genie makes wishes come true. Oh my baby Genie, you know the desires of my heart... make my wishes come true! One day, you'll have a true playmate but one at the time.  

 A budget and cheap shopping for hurt and stress relief!!! I bought stuff for my sis and I. A week's budget for meal wasted!!!! But, I did this to take a break from my painful reality. Btw, baby G, kiss papa G... nyt-nyt!!! The day will come he'll find me in his heart.... Good night. XOXO....

OMG, BB GGG!!!!

Soon is Near

What can I say I am an ordinary stranger, I can't change and disobey the rules...

I pray with all my heart and after all the failures, I am already used to fear.

What will I say??? I have no phone.  I only hitch for internet connection.  I will not give up on trying...

Lazy Sunday

My sister and friend are lazy to go out for lunch.  So, we ordered Mac...

Painkillers for My Thoughts...

Those were days that are gone but I can never take out from my head.  The fever is getting into the cells of my brain, driving me nuts every single day.  Am I hallucinating again? Will I cease not to remember something I can't forget?  Will you hear me again? I am awfully down but I must not give up and lost hope.  So bad, I am almost there...

Do you despise me? Or disregard the friend you found in me?  You know I am so willing to jump off the fence in between us. However, it is up to you... the decision is yours...

Can you stop me from missing you?  There's never a day inside my prison cell of boredom I wish to see you not only in my imagination.  I wish you are in front of me so that I can look into your eyes and smell your manly aroma.  I will keep on missing those times you make me feel different but comfortable in your company.  You brought to me a package of joy with pain and wonderful memories. Hopefully those times won't end but more to come.

Ouch.  Here it goes again.... those memories lingering in every fiber of me.  Prescribe me the painkillers that will cure the longings in me.  Prove to me those are not only real in my thoughts...

I hope you can hear me... but I don't know if I have the face to see you once more... Or do you still want to see me?

MY PHONE IS DEAD

I am disappointed with the turn of events.  After all the crying time, I kneeled and prayed with confidence.  If I will lose hope now and keep looking back with the series of unfortunate events, I can't do anything. Hence, my only choice is to embrace the truth.  

I wanted to dial the phone or wait for your call.  Then, when I looked at my phone,  it showed 'no service'.
Lucky, I have kind neighbors whose wifi's passwords were disabled.  My friend also let me use her internet.  My old phone has problem with wifi connection.   Thanks to my mama, she left the phone I gave her. At least I have something to use for my online entertainment.

Poor thing :( I mourned for my phone for it is totally useless.  It is so dead.  I have money but I am saving it for upcoming expenses.

Lord, melt those hearts made of steels and whom abided by the rues.  Dear Lord, lend them your considerate and kind heart.  Send Your Holy Spirit to enlighten their hearts and minds.  If it is your will, let it be done! 

RIP to my phone.  Don't worry you'll be resurrected.

A Broth for a New Challenge

Just one more step and suddenly the lightning struck me...

Just one more and I'm back again.

ALMOST THERE...

It was harsh and painful.  I cried aloud same way when my father died.

So, I must face the reality that in this world there are certain rules to follow.  Even if not in favor of my situation, I have to accept the dreadful decision.

It's not I can't make it.  Not a question of my abilities, capabilities and intellect.  It is about standards and what are my roots.

Starting all over again.  I diverted my mind from all the worries by keeping myself busy.  I completed watching all episodes of Games of Thrones.  I made silly poster quotes that I uploaded in my Tumbler account.  Yeah, I entertained myself with my creativity.  Then, I decided to cook chicken broth with noodles for dinner.

Let's celebrate another beginning and a new challenge.  If it's God's will no strict rules and stubborn men can stop it.

After all the drama and sleepless evening, I told myself God won't abandon me and He'll give me what I deserve. And there's no stopping Him.

The Riverdale and Sweet Valley Days

I knew them so well, as if I am their friend and I lived in their world.  The mixture of comedy and drama filled the pages, which were part of my high school days.  Those were the gangs who made me cry and laugh, a world described in words that became true in my head.

The fun of the gang in Riverdale High can still make me chuckle.  The twins of Sweet Valley will never fade in my memory.

All of them, hope not only a dream.  If only the world is not bias and discriminating, and doesn't follow rules and standards.  If there are no priorities, and true talents and the heart to serve really matter.  It is always about favoritism... Sometimes those who have it, can't even appreciate how lucky they are...

Yeah, those characters are not alive.  Welcome to my reality!  How can I fight when I am not in control?  The harsh words and unfair decision...

I LIFT EVERYTHING TO GOD.  My tears can't get my money and allow me to show them what I got.

Those were the days...

The Devil Within

Isn't it ridiculous how patterns form something only your imaginative eyes can perceive?

What do you see? Two hearts reflecting each other.  Look closely and discover two fox' eyes.  Wait a minute!  Is it a mustache or those are fangs?  Hey, the scariest part is the horns on the heart.

I have so many strange dreams.  Those are not visions from God but the fruits of my sinful desires.  I surrender all those troubling thoughts.  How will I take away something that already resides in me?  Thus, it is a combat within, saving my soul from hell.

I only see what I want to see.  But, whoever you are, if there are unacceptable words you said, all of those are of no proofs and totally injustice.  If you were angry at me, condemn the circumstances for I am just another victim.  My apologies for your pains because I endure more.

Do you triumph in my defeat?  How long will you reign?  My life is bitter and sour now, I am still trying to survive.  What will happen to you?  I don't know.  You'll find it out yourself.  Will it be worst? I don't know, the future is not mine to see. 

Be warned, the wrongful wishes you have for others might backfire on you ten times or more.  Don't let the devil dominates us all. 

Worthless Paper

A hope nothing but a trash
A signature brings temporary joy on documents meant to be scratched
The most awaited miracle turned to be a grief
Have a I suffered enough?
I want to use and improve my skills
I am blessed with many gifts but with no luck
My good head is no significant
Why can't I be a slut who needs not to work and feed on men's profit?
Why can't I be whore who earns money in pleasure!??
I am so close to it
Almost there and why it should be taken?
I qualified and proved myself worthy
Why the world filled with rules of stubborn men?
The excitements dissolve into tears
Do I have reasons to smile?

I miss myself and the usual routines...
I am always enthusiastic with work
Oftentimes, pretending I am healthy and never get sick
I miss preparing my attire in the evenings
I miss hearing my laughter and how grateful others were...

I always have the chances...
Take away your curse and evil desires
Forgive me and I forgive you...

How many times will I lose?